Two styles of mentorship

As I've become a more experienced mentor, I've noticed two different styles of mentorship that might also apply to teaching in general. Being aware of these approaches has allowed me to switch between them depending on the situation.

Approach #1: Go-do mentorship

The overall tone of this mentorship style is "Do it this way" or "Try this." The mentor, guided by their experience, gives the mentee direct instructions. This can be effective, but if the mentee is skeptical of the suggested approach or clings to their own methods, the teaching relationship can grow tense.

Go-do Mentorship works best with mentees who are willing to try things out. This requires self-assuredness on their part, and a willingness to temporarily set aside their methods to try someone else's approach. The mentee trades some short-term freedom to things their own way, but maintains control over which ideas they ultimately adopt or discard. Their confidence lets them test new methods objectively, keeping what works and dropping what doesn't.

Approach #2: Collaborative problem-solving

Another way to approach mentorship is to partner with the mentee as a co-experimenter. Instead of instructing the mentee, you both work together with the goal of solving the problem. This partnership respects the mentee's ownership and sense of style by framing the mentor's suggestions as contributions to a shared experiment rather than mandates. It helps build mutual trust and encourages continuous experimentation.

The mentor's responsibility

Stay flexible and notice without judgment

The reality is that most mentor-mentee relationships blend the two styles I described, which highlights just how important it is for mentors to listen, pay attention, reflect, and change up their approach. There are times when suggesting really clear next steps will work best, and times when you need to step back and let the mentee take the lead.

The existence of multiple valid mentorship approaches implies that mentors should avoid judging mentees for needing one approach or another. Defensiveness is natural, but mentors should notice it and wonder about what it's there. I've found that about any defensiveness openly is ironically the best way to move past it.

Don't force it

When you reach a certain point in your career, your employer might suddenly expect you to start mentoring others if you want to keep moving up. This can lead to clumsy attempts to mentor others without really understanding how to do that.

My advice is to look for natural opportunities to collaborate with less experienced teammates. Don't try to force mentorship on anyone—the best mentorship grows on its own as your trust in each other grows. You can't just decide you're someone's mentor one day; mentorship is something that develops naturally alongside trust. And it's the mentee who ultimately characterizes the relationship as mentorship; not the other way around.

Take it seriously

Take your role as a mentor seriously, and keep in mind your power to shape a person's work and, in turn, their livelihood. Ongoing reflection on how the relationship is working is key for both sides. Your job is to support the mentee's growth in ways aligned with their goals, rather than blindly imposing your past methods. What worked for you long ago might not work for someone else today.

The reward

Mentorship isn't just about handing down knowledge; it's about working through problems together. It's about both people advancing their understanding and growing. Through active reflection and open dialogue, both of you learn to adapt in real time, sparking fresh insights that strengthen trust and foster growth. By listening closely, sharing honest feedback, and iterating on ideas together, you turn ordinary advice into meaningful progress. Embrace this shared approach, and you'll discover how powerful true partnership can be—both for your mentee's development and your own.